How to deal with rejection and knock backs as an author
Sending your book out on submission can be a challenging and emotional process. You are laying yourself and your book open to judgement by others and potential rejection.
So when you do get that ‘No thank you, it’s not for us’ how do you pick yourself up and keep going?
It’s not easy but there are moments of potential rejection at all sages of publishing so learning how you might lessen its impact and be resilient is important and will help you navigate the process.
If you’ve been turned down by an agent or a publisher, here are some tips and next steps that might make it easier.
Take some time to feel disappointed and acknowledge your feelings.
It’s disappointing and upsetting. A no from an agent feels like an end to a particular daydream or possible reality you might have had in your mind. Rejection hurts. It’s ok to take time to feel and process those feelings of disappointment. Turn to those things, or people, that give you some comfort and make you feel a bit better.
Take a moment to celebrate yourself.
Ok so you got knocked back but in order to reach this point you’ve written a book and been brave and vulnerable and handed it over to someone to consider. That takes a lot of courage, you backed yourself and your dream. A lot of people don’t get this far so remember and celebrate all that you have achieved to get to this point.
Remember it’s not personal, it’s not about you
This is hard. Your book is your baby. You’ve created it from inside you, from your heart. Sharing it with others is vulnerable. Hearing that someone has read or looked at it and feels it’s not right for them is painful. It can feel like they’re rejecting your baby. But try and step back and take the emotion out of it.I t’s not you that has been rejected. This is not personal. It is a business decision.
Look for lessons
Is there absolutely anything in their feedback that you can turn into a learning or a lesson for next time? Sometimes there is no feedback at all so it is hard to take lessons from that but if they have offered any insight take time to think if you agree with it and if you want to amend how you go forward following their thoughts.
Look for positives
I often think that if someone has turned you down that could also be reframed as a good thing in the long run as you’re not the right match for them. It’s a bit like dating, you need to find ‘the one’ who gets you rather than pinning your hopes on someone not quite right who you hope will magically transform into your dream partner. Hopefully you’ve been let down gently but if they’ve done it in an unkind way, are they someone you would have wanted to work with anyway? Maybe it was a lucky escape?
Don’t second guess what was behind the decision, or read more meaning into it than you need to
I often talk to authors who’ve had a rejection and have extrapolated a ‘it’s not right for us’ into believing the book is no good, their writing is bad and they are never going to make it. The agent or publisher might have turned you down for any number of reasons. You don’t know why they’ve turned it down. It might have absolutely nothing to do with your writing or how good the book is. It might be in a genre that they don’t want to focus on right now or maybe it’s too similar to another author on their list. That is frustrating yes, but it is not saying that your book is not good so don’t read more into the ‘No’ than you need to. Rein that negative voice in, and don’t put imaginary words into the mouths of the person who said no.
Remember your why
Spend some time remembering why you wanted to write and publish this book in the first place. What does it mean to you? How will it feel to see it in the world? If you stop now and don’t send it out again how will that feel? Harness all your original drive and ambition and use that to push you forward.
Make a plan and take action
You’ve taken time to feel disappointed, you’ve recognised the positives too and seen what learnings you can glean from the experience. Now is the time to take action and move forward again. What’s your plan going to be? Who are you going to send it to next? Do you need to do some more work on your book or submission first? What’s the next step you can take?
Know that you might feel vulnerable again
Every submission you make might feel vulnerable. That fear of rejection might always be there. So think about how you can make it feel more bearable? Maybe remembering your why is enough motivation. Maybe you can reward yourself for every positive step forward you take.
Remember you just need one yes
You don’t need every agent or publisher to want your book (although of course that would be wonderful) you need one. One who will ‘get’ you and your book, take it to their heart and want to make it work as much as you do. You just need one yes. Keep going!
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